


Drowning

by booobbypooh



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, iruka doesnt die here, no
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:59:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26557753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booobbypooh/pseuds/booobbypooh
Summary: "溺水" : DrowningUmino Iruka tried to drown himself in the same way Shisui died, but he failed.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Mizuki & Umino Iruka
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	1. Part One

_"And what bring Konoha's beloved Iruka Sensei to my humbled office?" Kakashi asked with a bright smile after putting down his orange book (which was a rare thing for him to do while talking to people) in order to see Iruka._

_Iruka snorted a little at the mocking(he thought so) tone from the jonin-turned-Hokage who was leaning on his chair with his eyes staring sharply against Iruka's, only a table separating them. But he quickly coughed as he realized that person was now on way higher authority than him._

_"Kakashi-sama, may–"_

_Kakashi sighed and waved his hand, "No, please don't use -sama on me, Iruka. Only -san is already fine."_

_Iruka forced a smile, "Kakashi-san. I'm here because_..." _he bit his lower lip, thinking about the proper word to come out instead of bursting with temper, but nothing of decent he could think of._

_Well, he just came to the Hokage tower in a rush after Tsubaki came to him at the academy, her face covered with stained tears to deliver the shocking news regarding her Mizuki._

_Iruka looked down on the floor helplessly._

_"Is it about Mizuki's execution?" Kakashi asked in a murmur, his eyes plastered back on his orange book._

_Iruka swallowed heavily before nodding._

_"I'm obligated to ask for what reason does Mizuki has to face death penalty when he didn't kill anyone–"_

_"I'm gonna stop you right there, Iruka Sensei," Kakashi interrupted without drifting his eyes off the book, "I think I need to remind you of past incidents regarding this Mizuki... I'm sure you can recall that he tried to kill you and Naruto. Before that, he allegedly killed his teammate during a mission. Besides, when he escaped from the facility, he again tried to kill you and Naruto without second thoughts. And do I even have to remind you that when he was being treated from that freaking potion at the time, he still mumbled threats for you and Naruto."_

_"But that still doesn't justify why he has to be beheaded!" Iruka pressed his lips together as he realized that he just raised his voice on the Hokage. He could faintly sense the Anbu guard on the roof getting ready to attack if they need to._

_Iruka sighed inwardly as he thought that he might be executed as well for treason. Just great, Iruka._

_Meanwhile, his outburst finally got Kakashi to focus his entire attention back to Iruka._

_"I ordered the execution for every inmates that has no remorse or regret for what crime he or she did. In other word, they are basically hopeless cases. It's not only **your** Mizuki," Kakashi gave a sharp glare at him before turning the chair around, "I am the Hokage now. Each of my word is an order."_

_Iruka suddenly let out a bitter laugh, his face filled with resentment at Kakashi even as there was sound of laughter._

_"Right, you are the Hokage now. How could I even forget. That's why, you can use that power to pardon Sasuke who has killed numerous others, since he is your former student, right? And instead, execute other inmates like Mizuki who have no relation with you–"_

_Turning around abruptly, Kakashi almost yelled at the other, his eyes filled with hurts, however he managed to calm down and merely said with a warning tone, "I believe you have gone overboard now, Sensei..."_

_At that time, Shizune opened the door while carrying a tray of tea and cups that she prepared for the two, but almost halted the steps as she sensed the killing intents radiated from the two._

_Nervously, she asked, "Err, is everything okay?"_

_Iruka coughed awkwardly and bowed with a soft smile directed to Shizune who immediately smiled back at him and Kakashi noted the exchange with a solemn glare._

_"It's fine, Shizune," Kakashi said and Shizune let out a sigh of relief._

_She proceeded to put down the tray on the table and poured on each cup._

_"Shall we have some tea first, Sensei?" Kakashi looked at Iruka in anticipation, despite how hurt he was at Iruka's bold accusation toward him before._

_Iruka looked away, feeling embarassed with his outburst yet again in front of that person and he only then realized that his words must have hurt him, since Kakashi seemed to almost lose his cool just now._

_Iruka looked at him and Kakashi raised his eyebrow as if to remind Iruka that his word is the law, "Have a sit, Sensei."_

_Reluctantly, Iruka took the seat in front of Kakashi, with Shizune by his side, smiling at the two fondly._

_As Kakashi sipped on the tea, Iruka decided to break the tension in the air, "I apologize for my indecent words before, Kakashi-sama..." Iruka looked up, his eyes full of determination, "But my stand is still the same."_

_"Then, tell me, Sensei. In what way do you think he still wouldn't try to kill you once he get out of the facility?"_

_Hearing that, Shizune finally realized that the two were talking about Mizuki. She lightly sighed, she should have known that Iruka would be here once the execution news came out. From what she heard, Iruka really loved the so-called prisoner. But, as a friend or lover, she wasn't sure._

_I_ _ruka looked away, "I know there is still a piece of him that is kind. He is originally very kind... I always pray that he still is..."_

_Kakashi snorted with disdain seeing the desperation tainting on Iruka's beautiful face._

_"Kakashi-sama, if you give me a chance, I will go and talk with him once more. I believe he will change–"_

_"What makes you think he will when all the other times you went to see him before, you couldn't?" Kakashi stared as Iruka's determined expression slowly turning into helplessness, "As far as I know, the only thing he has for you is HATRED. He doesn't even love you, Iruka. Or did you already forget when he said he only used you since the beginning? He is a fucking manipulator! He only stayed by your side because you were close with Sandaime, didn't you remember?! I really don't understand you, Iruka. He has been nothing but a foe to you, why would you still being loyal to him? I..." Kakashi swallowed hard as realization of everything that he had just said struck him._

_Totally surprised, Shizune couldn't help glancing at Kakashi's fuming face even if the mask was still covering half his face. It was very rare to see him losing his calm and bursting out like this._

_Meanwhile, Iruka was utterly speechless as he stood dumbfounded on the floor._

_"You...have no right... To question my loyalty or whatsoever," Iruka said in a whisper._

_"Of course I do. Your loyalty only lies toward me, your Hokage," Kakashi still didn't know what possessed him by the time._

_What he knew, he was so hurt with Iruka._

_Iruka eventually looked up and gritted his teeth as he forced himself to mutter apology._

_"I apologize, Hokage-sama," Iruka bowed and left the room._

_Shizune finally let out the breath she had been witholding since before._

_"Kakashi-sama, I... Really think you might hurt Iruka Sensei," she said softly, and a bit afraid._

_"And you think he didn't hurt me?"_

_With that question, Shizune looked down, unable to face him._

_"I'm sorry, I just thought you might be a bit harsh with the words you said..."_

_"He questioned my authority. He even compared Sasuke to that worthless piece of..." Kakashi sighed heavily again and leaned back to the chair, "Shit, he really... Might just say that he actually despises Sasuke for killing Itachi..."_

_And Shizune has no say to that._

Kakashi frowns the more he remembered about previous argument he had with the chunin sensei. With a light sigh, he looks up to see the _object_ of the argument standing in front of him with two guards by his side, his hands handcuffed with chakra wires.

His head drooping low.

Kakashi snorts. Just a few days ago when he decided to pay a visit to him, this particular prisoner still held his head high, even facing the very Hokage in front of him.

Kakashi will never forget how conceited this guy is, how selfish– damn, he is very shameless. Which the very reason Kakashi is determined to get him killed.

He really thought this _Mizuki_ guy is hopeless. The way he acted, there is no doubt he will never change.

But, Iruka just never give up on him.

He really can't understand Iruka, at all.

Speaking of that name, he turns toward the other room in which Iruka is seen trying to escape from the other chunins who tried to stop him from barging into the execution room.

"Hokage-sama, please, I beg you! Please pardon Mizuki, he will change, I promise you! Hokage-sama, please!"

Kakashi bit his lower lip in agony at seeing the tears flowing down the chunin's cheeks as he struggled against the other chunins, his pleading eyes never leaving Kakashi's.

Unable to stand it anymore, Kakashi whispers his guard's name lowly, "Tenzou."

Tenzou suddenly appears beside Kakashi, "Hokage-sama."

Looking away from Iruka across the glass wall, he orders, "Get that pathetic prick out of my sight."

Tenzou widens his eyes in utter surprise at the unexpected order while Iruka stops, his eyes blank as he still stares at Kakashi. 

There is only silence following. A deafening one.

Even Mizuki looks at Kakashi with such questioning gaze for a brief second before turning to Iruka. He presses his cracked lips together, in agony.

"Now, Tenzou."

The said man quickly nods before disappearing in a swirl of leaves and appears again beside Iruka.

The chunin notices the look of hatred, not in Mizuki, but instead in Kakashi now. And he feels so lost, more than ever.

He already expected Kakashi to chase him away from the room, but he never thought to even hear that kind of words coming out from Kakashi's mouth directed toward him.

"Iruka Sensei," Tenzou cautiously holds Iruka's trembling arm, "I don't want to have to hurt you. So, please, let's leave this place. Okay?"

Iruka bits his lower lip in anguish as he looks at Tenzou. "Fine."

With that, he turns around to leave with Tenzou, but as he gets to the door, he shifts back his attention toward the glass wall separating him from Mizuki and Kakashi.

His eyes catch Mizuki's lone stare toward him before the prisoner mouths at him.

_"I'm sorry."_

Iruka feels a tear drop again from his left eye and another falls from his right eyes when he reads Mizuki's mouth again.

_"I love you, Iruka."_

And Mizuki gifts him with a very sincere smile, the kindest smile Mizuki ever gave him. And that is the last image Iruka saw of him, before he left the room.

Kakashi sighs reluctantly. Though he didn't look at Iruka, he can feel those exchanges. And it freaking hurts him. Yet again.

_Just why... Why couldn't it be me? Why was it never be me?_

Kakashi drifts his attention back toward Mizuki as the latter breathes out his first word that day and probably the last word before the execution, "That naive idiot."

And he laughs. But strangely enough, Kakashi can feel his misery.

The execution for all inmates that Kakashi deemed unforgivable had completed. Thhe Hokage heaves a sigh of relief for one job done.

As he leans comfortably against his chair in the office, his mind suddenly drifts toward Iruka. As usual.

_What could he be doing now? Crying his heart out?_

Kakashi snickers. _That crybaby chunin._

He chuckles as he remembers all the times he secretly caught the younger crying on the bench under the tree of the branch he always resting himself on. 

_Hmmm... Maybe I should go check on that little chunin..._

And with that thought, he disappears from the office. 

He pops out beside the bench and almost smiles to see Iruka sitting on the bench, as he expected.

_Damn it, I'm so immature. How can I smile like an idiot when I just called him pathetic–_

"Hokage-sama..."

Kakashi gives all his attention toward the younger who is looking down on the ground, his expression totally blank.

Kakashi is dumbfounded. He has never seen expressionless Iruka like this. No, his Iruka is always full of emotion. He is either smiling that warm and bright smile, crying beautifully or his face red from anger or shyness... No...

"I have been thinking," Iruka starts again, "Our relationship... We always say mean things to one another, and then apologize, making up... But then, we would argue again. Again, we only spit out harsh words we never mean to each other. It's always like that... This relationship between us, it's like a never ending cycle."

"Iruka..." Kakashi doesn't like this version of Iruka...

"In all honesty, I always hope that our relationship will become better than that. But each time, the only feeling I get from you is disappointment, for your action, and your words. It's like... This relationship of ours... We are both... Basically... Are hopeless cases... Isn't it?"

"Iruka..." Kakashi hates this...

The younger gets up from the bench and continues, "I actually hoped you, out of other people, could understand me. But of course, it is just a failed wish. No one understand me. I really.. Have no one left... The only person left who understand me also died. My parents, Shisui, Sandaime, Itachi, and now, even Mizuki..."

"Iruka..." Kakashi despises this kind of feeling he is having now... "You still have Naruto..." _and me..._

"Naruto will soon have his own family. I wouldn't want to be such a bother old man to him." Iruka smiles a little at the fond memories he had with Naruto and murmurs so soft Kakashi barely hears it, "I used to dream of me and you...together, but... It seems very...impossible now..."

He exhales and takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry, Kakashi-sama," Iruka finally lifts his eyes to look into Kakashi's teary ones, "But I can't do this anymore. I guess I'm just as hopeless as those people you executed to death..."

"Iruka..." _No... Please don't..._

"You should execute me as well, Hokage-sama..."

Kakashi shakes his head in agony, "No, Iruka, you can't do this..."

"If you can't, I shall end myself on my own, then..."

And with that saying, Iruka leaves in a swirl of leaves.

Kakashi's eyes widen in horror.

"NO!!"

Sensing the distress chakra from their Hokage, the Anbus including Tenzou appears around him.

As his knees wobbles unstably, Kakashi finally crashes onto the ground. Tenzou immediately goes to support his body and asks, "Kakashi-sama, are you okay?"

"Iruka..." He keeps saying that name like a mantra, with tears drips uncontrollably, his body limp against Tenzou.

The latter sighs endlessly as he tries to offer some comforts for the older. Even just a little.

"Please, go find him... I don't want him to die... Please..."

The other Anbus each vanish after receiving a nod from Tenzou.

"I need to find him too," Kakashi finally gathers his strength back and disappears right away.

Tenzou sighs again for the nth time.

Kakashi is going crazy. Iruka is nowhere to be found. He really doesn't want to see yet another precious person to him to die.

Kakashi and Tenzou jump from tree to tree, still not giving up to find the chunin. However, Tenzou suddenly freezes and he stops as something comes up in his mind. Kakashi also stops, puzzled by the other's action.

"Kakashi-sama... He can't be... Could he.."

"Fucking tell me what is it that you think!" Kakashi asks impatiently.

"Iruka's first love is Shisui, right? Uchiha Shisui."

"Yes. But why?"

"You realize that Shisui-san died from suicide by jumping into water, right? He basically died from drowning."

Kakashi almost stops breathing as he thinks about the possibility– He shakes his head in denial, "No... That can't be..."

"Let's try to go to that place, where Shisui jumped to death."

And why, Tenzou is right.

There, the distraught chunin standing right on the edge of the cliff.

Kakashi sprints in a flash to catch Iruka, but the younger is already letting himself fall from the cliff.

"No!" Kakashi stops right on the edge where Iruka just stood a second ago.

His hand still extended toward now empty spaces as he watches Iruka who finally flashed that addictive smile that he always adore, right from the beginning.

All images of his father, Obito and Rin from their dying moments flash in his mind, and now those flashes overlap with this image of Iruka.

It is like getting caught in Itachi's tsukuyomi all over again.

_I could always save him in previous encounters... I could always arrive at the right time to save him before... Why now... Why now it's not working out? Why? And he really died because of my own action? He wanted to kill himself because of me? Why? I only wanted him to be with me, I only wanted him to be safe, I only wanted him to be surrounded with good people... Why is it so hard for me to love? Why is it always like this? Why? Should I die too...?_

Without thinking twice, Tenzou launches his Mokuton jutsu with all his might to save Iruka, by extracting the wood jutsu to catch Iruka from reaching the water as fast as he could.

Tenzou briefly glances at the heartbroken Hokage and is very determined to save the source of his senpai's grief. And thankfully, he can feel the wood jutsu barely able to catch Iruka from drowning in the waterfall's fast current.

"Kakashi-sama, I got him."

At the hospital.

"He should be awake in a few hours," Tsunade mutters lowly before gesturing Kakashi to follow her.

Getting inside Tsunade's private room, she finally lets out her temper.

"I knew it! I knew something like this would happen once you ordered Mizuki be killed," she glares daggers at him, "Well, not exactly to this extent, but I know he will protest against you," and she turns regretful as she noticed Kakashi's solemn eyes on the floor.

"Well, I... I'm sorry, Kakashi," she apologizes sincerely, "I know this must be hard for you too."

"I only want him to be safe. With Mizuki's jail time nearing the end, I felt so restless, like what if Mizuki tried to kill him again like before, or if he... He decided to give Mizuki... Chance...again... I can't even imagine it..." 

Tsunade places her hand on Kakashi's drooping head and pats him softly, like how a mother would to comfort her son.

"You did well, Kakashi."

Tsunade vividly remembers when Kakashi emerged like a lightning into the hospital in front of her with Iruka, weak in his arms. The other was practically lifeless.

And the newly appointed Hokage whispered in extreme desperation that she could have ever seen in him.

_"Please, Tsunade-sama... Save him..."_

Tsunade never thought Kakashi's infatuation with the chunin sensei would be this deep. She knows about his feeling for Iruka but she never would have dreamt of it to be this intense.

_That could be dangerous._

* * *

"It has been two weeks, for fuck's sake!" Kakashi holds both Iruka's hands while Naruto shouting at Tsunade who is leaning against the door to the hospital room, "Why's Iruka Sensei still unconscious?! Why isn't he awake yet?!"

"I'm doing my best as I can, you ungrateful punk!"

"Then, why is he still like this?" Naruto frowns and turns toward Kakashi who is still in his own world while admiring the way Iruka's hands fit perfectly with his.

"Hm, it's very strange, Naruto. I really don't know how to explain this. To be honest, I'm stucked, kiddo."

"And you are supposed to be the master healing–" and Tsunade smacks his head jokingly before shifting his attention to Iruka who is "sleeping" soundlessly on the bed with his hands in Kakashi's grasps, as if the latter not wanting to let him go anymore.

"Kakashi," she softly calls his name as she stood beside him by the bed, "He's not going anywhere."

Kakashi smiles sadly, "I know... I just... I have always loved to hold his hand... His are so soft and smooth. So adorable."

Tsunade smiles in awe mixed with sorrowful. _Lovesick. Never have I thought to be seeing White Fang's brat like this._

"Can you please let go of Iruka Sensei's hands? I want to hold him too," Naruto pouts at the side.

Kakashi caresses Iruka's hands for one last time and finally lets him go.

Naruto quickly grabs Iruka's hands and massages them lightly.

Kakashi smiles at that and turns to Tsunade. "So.?"

"Hm, it's hard to say in words. But frankly, it seems Iruka is resisting himself from waking up."

Naruto stares at Tsunade in confusion, "What do you mean, Granny Tsunade?"

She glances at the Rokudaime with a reluctant look, "He doesn't want to wake up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end of Part One.
> 
> To be honest, this is my first kakairu story... My writing style is very boring but i just cant get this idea out of my head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While waiting for Iruka to wake up, Kakashi reminisces back to the days since he first came to know Iruka.

It was like a routine now, even for his life as a Hokage. The Sixth Hokage.

Waking up at dawn, visiting the memorial stone for a few hours not doing anything but thinking of his past mistakes and the people whose name carved on the stone, which hopefully will not include the name of the person he's visiting every night in the hospital after spending half a day in the tower.

Iruka... 

It has been almost a month since his suicide attempt.

Kakashi realizes that there is no point agonizing over the younger's unconsciousness, when he is the Hokage now, a leader to his village. He has to be strong, or he might dash the hopes of his people as well. He has already disappointed Iruka. He can't let himself do that to the others too.

Therefore, while carrying out his responsibilities to the village, he still put some time to visit Iruka during his free time (every night, yes).

He will never give up on him. No matter what.

He knows, there is still a part of Iruka that might still want to come back, though Tsunade disagrees with him completely. She said it's very certain now that the chunin wants no salvation.

Yet, Kakashi refuses to believe it.

In the hospital room, sitting by the bed like usual, Kakashi stares at disheveled form of the chunin and can't help but smiling sadly. _How come he still look flawless like this?_

He caresses Iruka's hair lovingly, the part that he likes a lot about the other. The brown hair used to be always in a neat high ponytail, but now it lies messily all over the pillow. 

He also loves Iruka's hands. His smooth fingers are now gotten a bit rough, but they still fit in Kakashi's, so he doesn't mind it as well.

Now that he thinks about it, he always seeks out to touch Iruka at nearly any given chance, though truthfully, he is not a touchy-feely person, at all. Commonly, he would be holding his book or a weapon. Other than that, he tends to keep his hands to himself (mostly his pockets), as though he’s afraid he can only use his body as the weapon he was trained to be. 

But with Iruka, he acts differently. He would either hold Iruka's hands, or most of other times, his shoulder. Well, based on the situation.

Snapping him out of his own reverie, he hears Tsunade's voice, "You might as well just take him to your place if you are going to come here every night."

Kakashi turns to see her beside him, feeling rather funny that he doesn't sense her presence at all. He then asks with a serious look, "You being serious? Because I will gladly accept the proposition."

And Tsunade giggles teasingly as she smacks him softly. She focuses her sight on Iruka's comatose state and sighs, "I will try to arrange it," she puts her palm on his forehead with another sigh, "Well, since his condition needs no treatment anymore, I guess he can basically get discharged."

"Thank you."

She waves her hands as if to dismiss herself as she turns to leave Kakashi alone with the patient.

As the door closes back, he also sighs. "When are you going to wake up?"

With his long and lean fingers, he traces Iruka's dry and pale lips, which used to be so full and warm, yes, he really misses it since he used to taste it long time ago, fuck, it just seems like yesterday the two of them kissed passionately on the rooftop, under the full beaming moonlight, filled with bright shining stars. Yeah. On the night after the funeral for the death of Sandaime and the others.

He is aware that he totally took advantage of Iruka's vulnerability at the time, but obviously, he couldn't help it at the time. And thankfully than ever, Iruka reciprocated his bold action that night and thus, Kakashi is able to experience the best sex– he shakes his head, it wasn't only sex(at least for him), it was a lovemaking.

He poured everything in his fervent kisses and touches just to show Iruka how much he means the world to him, how much Kakashi is desperately into him, how much he is... In love with the teacher...

But he just couldn't say the word...

And the time passed by just like that, without any declaration between them, but unexpectedly, they did get closer since then, instead of getting awkward with each other.

Of course, each encounter will end with arguments or stupid bantering between them. They just can't seem to agree with each other, no matter what. No matter what the topic is on about.

Perhaps, that's why Iruka said the things he said to him, before he decided to attempt his failed suicide.

Did he really not understand Iruka, at all?

He keeps questioning himself, over and over.

He used to think that he understands Iruka the most, but maybe, Iruka is right. He doesn't understand Iruka at all.

Kakashi wipes the tears flowing down his cheeks, dampening the mask immediately. He really misses him. He really does. God, he wishes nothing other than seeing Iruka's warm smile and infectious laugh, and even that nervous smile, he only wants Iruka to lead a peaceful life, even better if it is together with him.

Kakashi plants a gentle kiss on Iruka's forehead, after moving some of his splaying hair from that area, like a ritual of every night when he has to leave Iruka there. 

"Goodnight, Iruka," he whispers to Iruka's ear and kisses his cheek then. He chuckles like an idiot, "Okay, I promise that was the last one. I will really leave now, okay?"

He sighs at the totally unresponsive lying figure on the bed.

And he steps out of the hospital room, reluctantly.

As he arrives home, he closes the door quietly while muttering "I'm home", of course to no one in the house.

He leans his back against the door, his gaze fixated on the floor. Then, he slowly lifts his eyes to look around the Hokage compound.

_Too big. Too spacious. Too much emptiness. With no company._

And another flow of tears fill his cheeks, again.

His back harshly slides down the door, before he sprawls on the floor like a child, crying.

And that's how his ~~day~~ ends. Days. Repeatedly.

That's how, he spends his time, everyday.

* * *

"Kakashi Sensei."

The said man looks up from his reading in the Hokage room to see Naruto clenching his fists, undoubtly from his own frustration about some things, none other than–

"Iruka Sensei..." He starts again, his lips tremble from trying to keep himself steady, "Is he really... Not gonna wake up anymore? It's almost been, like, what, three months?"

Kakashi sighs tiredly. 

"I firmly believe he will wake up again. I'm sure you too, Naruto."

The younger presses his lips together and he lets out a relieved sigh.

"God, I really want to hug you right now, Sensei, I mean, Kakashi-Hokage-Teacher," and he forces out a mild laughter, in his poor attempt to improve the mood in the room.

Kakashi smiles, almost blurting out how gross that sounded, but then, he remembers the time Naruto used to question what should he call Kakashi for becoming a Hokage, Iruka was also there.

And damn, now that he recalls, it really took Naruto for him to be able to get Iruka's attention.

Well, he still vividly remembers, how he sneaked some time before the Sixth Hokage inauguration to drag Iruka with him for some discussion. He suggested to Iruka for Naruto to be promoted to Jounin and then, the academy teacher protested saying the teen lack of concentration and he barely knows any theory or whatsoever... Naruto can only learn fast in practical ways, after all.

He smiles to himself at the memory of him trying so hard to convince Iruka to teach and assist Naruto in his study for Jonin exam.

And how will he be able to forget the instant fond smile and blush on the chunin's face after that?

"By the way," Naruto says, "I'm here because, I need to ask you on something."

"Hm, what is it?" Kakashi asks curiously when he notices Naruto's serious mode activates back.

"Sasuke," he looks down, "Does Iruka Sensei really hate him?"

_Ah..._

Kakashi only looks at Naruto, utterly helpless. He really...doesn't know what to answer the younger.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I... Don't know," he looks away, pretending not to think too much about the question and instead, drifting his eyes toward the orange novel, like always, "Hate.. Might be a bit extreme choice of word, but nonetheless... That's Iruka's personal feeling. You might have to ask him yourself once he wakes up."

"Okay," is his weak response before he excuses himself to leave.

* * *

Kakashi stares longingly at Iruka on the bed inside his own room at the Hokage residence. He is leaning his body on his side to face the other, selfishly lying beside Iruka's vegetative state.

He adjusts the blanket covering Iruka's now clothed body, to ensure that he feels warmer. (he knows Iruka doesn't feel anything, but still...)

He just gave Iruka a bath, as he is sure the younger will not want to wake up feeling all dirty or in uncomfortable state.

Hesitantly, he places his hand against Iruka's neck to feel his temperature. _He's warm._

And damn, Kakashi will forever be proud of himself that he managed to control himself from taking advantage of Iruka's naked body while bathing him before.

_He's ridiculously looking more and more like, a still doll._

And Kakashi sobs uncontrollably then, against Iruka's neck.

After awhile, Kakashi is back to gazing upon the academy teacher.

"You know, this morning, after delivering her mission report, Sakura asked me how did I first met you," he flashes a small smile thinking back to her giddy eyes, obviously trying to cheer him up, in her own way, what they call it _fangirl way._

"At that time, I only then realized that I almost forgot how, our first meeting went. But I simply told her that it was during our first mission together. Do you remember, that was the one which you almost drowned–" he stops abruptly and bits his lower lip, dejectedly. "Isn't it irony how a dolphin tend to let himself get drowned?" _and I was able to save you easily back then... But now..._

As he lets himself thinking further, Kakashi's forehead wrinkles a bit then, "Wait, I think I actually am confused. Which one... Is our first meeting?"

His eyes blinks rapidly when a few surprising memories struck his brain, out of the blue. The memories that he probably buried deep inside his head from past traumatic events, and ended up forgetting them all.

And only now, it seems like the switch is finally turned on. And he remembered back, everything.

"Damn, I actually first saw you when you were a toddler!" He giggles excitedly by himself and smiles endlessly while immersing himself through the memories. 

And his eyes eventually grow heavy, drowsy as ever, then, he finally closes his eyes, drowning in his own memories, drifting away.

His head ends up leaning against Iruka's shoulder.

A few droplets of tears run down from Kakashi's eyes, then... And...

From Iruka's eyes as well.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically Kakashi drowning in his own memories of Iruka.

Kakashi has always thought that he first met Iruka when the other was at the age of 10, just barely entering the ninja academy. But it turns out, the fate had let them to meet earlier.

The **first** Kakashi ever saw Iruka was when Kakashi was 7, while Iruka just turned 3.

That day, Kakashi went to the market to buy groceries with his father, Hatake Sakumo. And they bumped into a ponytail head jounin who had a noisy toddler over his shoulder, shouting incoherent words all over the market.

"So noisy," Kakashi grumbled to himself while frowning, throwing glares to the innocent toddler who actually smiled very brightly to him when they arrived in front of him, in order for his father to politely greet Sakumo.

Kakashi watched disinterestedly when the jounin stopped to introduce his son as Iruka, ignoring the loud sound the said boy whined since his father stopped walking.

Kakashi rolled his tongue out toward Iruka playfully but cursed himself then when he realized he was wearing a mask and that kid wouldn't see that at all.

He looked down, pouting but amusedly looked up again when Iruka started to knock his father's head with his small, frail left fist, so they would start walking again. And when his father didn't begin to move yet, he used his right fist. And proceeded to use both of his fists.

Sakumo already laughed and Kakashi tried to bit his own laugh, not wanting to lose his cool persona there.

"Ikkaku-san, you better get going now," Sakumo patted the other's shoulder and pinched Iruka's chubby baby cheeks with a soft beam, "Goodbye, Iruka-chan," he turns to Kakashi, urging his own son to bid goodbye, but Kakashi looked away with a small frown.

And the **second** time that they met, Sakumo had just died. 

Who would have thought, Sakumo was really bidding Iruka goodbye, _for ever._

Kakashi spent his whole time ignoring everyone, including Sandaime's effort to provide him some company after his father's death.

He wasn't able to smile anymore, wasn't able to even start making friend, and he kept pressuring himself to not follow what his father did, that subsequently leading to him committing suicide.

He vowed to complete his missions, no matter what, not caring anymore about anything else other than mission.

And that was when he found 5 years old Iruka playing by himself in the forest. Kakashi had actually just finished a simple mission by himself as a chunin.

"Hey, kid," he called from above the tree near the younger.

Iruka looked up in shock to actually find a company in the forest. 

"You should go home. If you don't want to be chased by the ghosts," he teased the other with a serious tone, to get him scared or anything, just for his own amusement.

But, out of his expectation, Iruka frowned and rolled out his tongue at Kakashi, playfully with a hmph sound when he looked away from the older.

Kakashi scoffed, "I'm saying the truth, kid. If you don't want to believe, then, well, it's not my problem. I'm leaving," and he turned around to act as if he was going, but actually was waiting for Iruka to stop him.

Which he really did.

"Wait!" He gawked at Kakashi with his wide brown eyes, and the older gladly stopped himself to turn back at Iruka.

The younger looked down the ground, before shyly said, "I... I was lost," he looked around timidly, "And I'm very afraid of those scary ghosts that Chichu-kun keeps telling me about!" He closed his eyes shut to shout angrily at Kakashi, "That's why, you– you have no right– to scare me like that!" He shakes his head left and right, "You are very cruel, you know!"

Kakashi landed on the ground beside Iruka and waited until Iruka opened his eyes as he finally calmed down.

Kakashi placed his hand on Iruka's shoulder, almost hesitantly as he realized that was the first human contact he had after his father died. He did not even let Sandaime to hold him during the funeral. But this–

Iruka lifted up his head, surprised.

"How did...you get lost?" He asked after putting away his hand swiftly.

Iruka looked away, his cheeks flushed, "I... I played hide and seek with my friends, but then," Iruka looked even farther away from Kakashi, feeling totally embarassed, "Maybe, I got too carried out that I got too far–" he suddenly glared at Kakashi, "Hmph! I'm not telling you anything!"

Kakashi snorted, "You just told me the whole thing."

"It's not the same!" Iruka turned away again with his arms crossed against his huffed chest, "I'm not going to talk with you! You are a stranger!"

"But you are still talking with me."

"No, I'm not!" He pouted again at the older.

"See, you are talking with me again."

"Gah, I'm not! I'm not talking to you! Stranger! Great, now my father is gonna punish me again for talking with strangers..."

"Well, lucky you, still got a father. Mine's dead."

Iruka's eyes immediately turned softer. 

When Kakashi stepped away, Iruka grabbed his hand, somehow their hands laced together and Kakashi realized he somewhat, liking it. Another human touch.

"What is your name?"

Kakashi's eyes were still on their laced hands, "Hatake Kakashi."

He smiled brightly as ever, "Mine's Umino Iruka!" He also looks at their hands, "Since we shake hands like this, we are now friends! Okay?"

Kakashi shifted his eyes toward Iruka's and let out a huff, "Who would want to be friend with you? We are not even on the same level."

Iruka looked so hurt.

Therefore, Kakashi took that time to release their hands and walked away. _That's not how I imagined the end._

And that's when he heard voice of another kid nearing that place.

"Ruka-kun!"

Kakashi stopped to see a dark haired kid with Uchiha crest shirt, running hurriedly to the still dumbfounded Iruka.

_So, his friend is an Uchiha. Interesting._

"Where have you been?"

"I'm sorry, I went to hide too far," and he giggled sheepishly.

The Uchiha kid also chuckled, "That's why, you won this time. Now, let's go home. Aunt Mikoto said she's gonna get a baby!"

And Kakashi didn't hear anymore as the two of them suddenly disappeared in a flash. Kakashi blinked his eyes rapidly.

_What the freaking hell is that?!_

Nevertheless, Kakashi never thought Iruka would not giving up on his attempt to befriending Kakashi.

The **third** time Kakashi saw Iruka, he actually learnt how to smile and laugh again.

It was when Kakashi went to visit his father's grave.

"I will not be like you, Dad. I will complete every mission that I receive. I will die in honor, not in vain like you."

He bit his lower lip.

"I–" but he was interrupted when he suddenly heard a noise from behind him.

It was a _thud_ and then followed by some whines.

He turned around and saw Iruka knocking his friend's head, the Uchiha kid from before. He was frowning as he shouted in half whisper, "You are always like that, Chichu!"

"I'm sorry, Ruka... I'm still learning this transportation thingy," the other defended himself with a pout, "So, it's not yet good. But I will do better every time, okay?"

Iruka suddenly smiled, "Okay!"

And they turned to Kakashi who quickly turned away, acting as if he wasn't just watching them from before.

Iruka turned to the other again and gestured something that Kakashi couldn't understand (yes, Kakashi was peeping from the corner of his eyes).

Then, he barely saw the Uchiha taking out a worn out scroll and recited the summoning jutsu, before placing his hand against Iruka's.

Out of his expectation again, the kids actually summoned...

_A bouquet of red cammelias?!!!_

The most terrific thing was, the two of them were so excited when a bouquet of red cammelias actually really popped out from Iruka's hand.

"Woah!!! We actually did it!" Iruka cheered gleefully.

"I told you!" The other said proudly before noticing Kakashi's stupefied expression.

He elbowed Iruka and the latter coughed awkwardly before hurriedly stepped toward Kakashi, with his hands presenting the flower toward the older.

"Kashi!" He smiled endlessly, "Is your name, right?"

However, as Iruka was nearing him, he tripped on the stones beside the grave and toppled over the ground, completely.

Oh, the flowers flying everywhere all over the graveyard.

To be honest, Kakashi was pretty much in a daze state from the pleasing scenery of the flowers falling down like a snowfall around them.

And his field of vision landed on Iruka who was attempting to get up. He briefly glanced at Iruka's friend to see him smacking his own head while quietly chuckling.

Iruka however frowned for the nth time to Kakashi while rubbing his own scraped knees, "You are mean! You didn't even try to help me up!"

Kakashi was losing for words. He was like, your friend was right there, why blame me only?

"Gosh, blo– blood!" And he cried like a baby, but with somewhat funny expression that even making Kakashi let out a suppressed laughter while pointing to Iruka as he panted to say, "Your face! Why– Too funny!"

Iruka stopped crying to stare at Kakashi's laughing face covered with a mask of course. He frowned back but eventually, laughing together with Kakashi. And they really laughed so hard.

Iruka picked a palm of the red cammelia to give to Kakashi, but then, he playfully placed it on Kakashi's ear and pointing out to it with another bark of laughter.

Kakashi also laughed again and also put another cammelia on Iruka's ear as well.

And he voiced out, so softly Iruka might not hear it, "Beautiful."

But that was it.

A few years after that, Kakashi found out that the Uchiha boy who was Iruka's friend, was actually Uchiha Shisui, also known as "Shisui of the Body Flicker".

_So, he finally mastered that technique..._

After that time, Third Shinobi War happened.

Kakashi lost Obito.

And then, Rin.

Minato Sensei was appointed as the Fourth Hokage.

And Kakashi became an Anbu under Minato.

The **fourth** time he saw Iruka again, he was resting after a mission on a branch of tree just outside of the academy, where he saw Iruka was running around in the playground with his friends, like nothing matters in the world.

Kakashi instantly realized that he liked seeing the cheerful way Iruka smiled, the sincere way he looked at his friends and the pure happiness in his eyes when his parents, who seemed to be jounins (who Kakashi barely remembered seeing once, or twice, he's unsure actually), arrived there to pick him up and go home together.

Kakashi saw when Iruka waved goodbyes to his friends and excitedly tugged on his parents' wrists on each side as they walked home together. 

As they strolled past Kakashi who was hidden on the tree, he could actually hear the things Iruka told them.

"–Mizuki introduced me to his friends and all of them are nice! Just like him!"

His father patted his head and Kakashi spotted the ponytail swinging left and right as he walked and chatted with them.

Kakashi fought the urge to go down and tug on that freaking ponytail. _He's cute. Damn cute._

Widening his eyes at his own thought, Kakashi shook his head and heard his mother fondly said.

"I'm glad, Iruka. You found another new friends, other than Shisui."

He watched yet again as Iruka and his parents eventually fading away from his eyesight.

He sighed and closed his eyes.

_Obito and him might be very good friends._

_If Obito was still alive, that is..._

And that noted the beginning of him only watching Iruka from afar. From above the tree.

The **fifth** time Kakashi saw Iruka, he was on the same branch trying to rest when the younger walked his heavy steps toward the tree.

Kakashi saw him carrying two funeral portraits– _Ah, he's back from the funeral... Of that nine-tailed fox attack tragedy. His parents must be dead as well._

Iruka proceeded to sit on the bench just under the tree where Kakashi was at. His eyes stained with dry tears.

Kakashi bit his lower lip thinking back of when he found his father dead.

_Well, kid... At least your parents died of honor... I understand why my father did that, but still..._

Iruka was hugging both of the portraits as tears streamed down his face, again. Kakashi sighed quietly, feeling remorseful as well when he thought about his own sensei's death as well. Also Kushina.

_Come to think of it, I lost my father and mother figure as well, but how come– I still couldn't cry too? Is my feeling really gotten numb now?_

Kakashi heard Iruka stopped sobbing suddenly when there were sounds of frantic footsteps nearing that place.

It was a boy, with silver bluish hair, probably around Iruka's age, or maybe a bit older?

That boy stopped as he spotted Iruka on the bench and sighed lightly.

"So, here you are, Iruka," that boy muttered and formed a soft smile at Iruka when he looked up.

"Mizuki," Iruka wiped his tears again and tried to flash a small smile.

Mizuki put his palm on top of Iruka's head and warmly said, "You have to be strong, 'Ruka. Your parents sacrificed themselves trying to protect us. So, you gotta be proud of them instead of mourning like this."

Iruka lifted his head slowly to look into Mizuki's shining green eyes, the latter's hand softly ruffling his hair then, making Iruka smiling again at his friend's way of comforting him.

Kakashi couldn't help feeling contented seeing the two friends down there. He lied back on the branch and closed his eyes, deciding to just absorbing the peaceful sensation after a night of tragedy.

By then, he heard the sound of Mizuki sitting on the bench beside Iruka and Kakashi's eyes opened back at the words uttered by Mizuki.

"You know, I wish my parents also died with honor like yours, instead of becoming thiefs and get killed by the villagers..."

"Mizuki, I–"

"But, it's fine. I understand why they became like that. It was to feed me, after all."

Iruka tried to smile and comfort his friend back, "Don't worry, from now on, I will cook for you! I know a little bit, hmmm..." Kakashi smiled at the sheepish tone from Iruka, "Well, maybe very little...knowledge about how to cook, but anyway, I will find a way to feed us!"

Kakashi smiled again hearing Mizuki's soft chuckle before the Anbu drifted back to sleep as the two friends also beginning to leave the bench together.

The **sixth** time Kakashi saw Iruka, the younger had just become a genin. He looked so happy as he ran out of the academy with his friend, Mizuki, swiftly passing by Kakashi on the branch while shouting excitedly to his friend.

"Who gets to the memorial stone first wins and the loser has to pay for the charade tonight!"

Kakashi smiled again. _Guess I'm also gonna head to the stone as well. Interesting challenge, kid._

With that, he hopped on top of the tree, still in Anbu uniform, and started to head there from tree to tree. He smirked as he somehow passed by the two kids on the ground.

Kakashi finally landed on another branch near the stone and quickly masked his chakra to avoid from being noticed.

The two arrived soon after and Kakashi beamed, I win then.

As they panted heavily, Mizuki stopped to laugh at how funny Iruka looked sweating like crazy.

Iruka also laughed as he saw how Mizuki looked so happy because of him. Just like how Kakashi also did, back then.

As the two calmed down, Iruka closed his eyes once he stood in front of the stone and prayed for all of the deceased whose name carved on the stone.

Mizuki stared at him with a soft smile and began to pray as well. Kakashi also quietly prayed.

As Iruka opened his eyes, he looked at Mizuki and said while grabbing Mizuki's hand, "Let's go. We have to take a picture together with our headbands! I also have to see Sandaime after this! He said he wants to buy ramen for me if I get to graduate!"

Mizuki's smile faltered and Kakashi wondered if Iruka even noticed the small glare Mizuki had on his face before the kid quickly flashed a smile again to Iruka and he led the other out of the memorial stone.

Kakashi bit his lower lip as he watched the two left, yet again. _This doesn't seem right. I've got a bad feeling about that Mizuki kid._

However, despite his own bad feeling, Kakashi couldn't do anything to ease it. He sighed, wondering just why was he bothering to think about other person's life, instead of his own?

He should be bothered about Sandaime wanting him to quit Anbu instead.

He sighed heavily as he finally came to his own senses.

What should he do once he quit Anbu? He understood Sandaime's reasoning of not wanting him to grow deeper into the darkness after losing nearly everyone important to him.

But still, Sandaime's suggestion of him taking a genin team afterward is one he truly couldn't understand, yet.

After much interference from his side, Sandaime finally agreed to let him lead chunin teams in some missions, besides individual high ranking missions.

And he was quick to feel something fluttering in his heart as he received a mission scroll stating that he would be leading a chunins team of three to eliminate possible bandits or thieves on the border of Konoha.

And guess what, there was Iruka's name as his team members in the scroll.

_Our first mission, together. And official meeting, I guess._


End file.
